my wife doesn't touch me sexually anymore my wife doesn't touch me sexually anymore

It is so sad listening to mostly men talk about their wives not wanting sex. Thanks for pointing out that marriage therapy can also help with problems about having a sexless marriage. Leave her, even if youre alone. It's possible that you and your wife simply have different needs when it comes to sex. Make time when you are both relaxed. I dont care what age this happens to a man, somehow the blame goes to the woman for not looking her best,gaining weight, busy with the kids, not willing to give oral sex and the list goes on and on. Men my advice is dont get married or move in with women if you love sex. I literally want sex daily and extremely sleep deprived because many nights I am rock hard all night long. Many of us could not conceive of divorcing because we have spent a lifetime waiting around to be shown once again that we are desired by the one person we have shared our lives with and still very much love. Read the first sentence again. In the room. In a long-term relationship, the partner with the higher libidowhich is not always . I mention this so that you may not assume Im ugly or out of shape. I love her but I need/miss sexual relations, which she's not into. So I backed off of seeing this person. 39 TRUST ME RUN Dont walk Dont ruin your life!!!! 20yrs old. Dont fool yourself into thinking that what you say or how you say it will somehow turn her back on. I married, not for love but because was told I could do worse. She never apologized. Related Reading: 10 Things To Do When You Are Drifting Apart In Your Relationship. So, before you start saying things like, My wife never touches me anymore, and misunderstand the problem that youre actually facing, its vital that you try to focus more on why your wife never initiates physical contact. Im 63, sexless for many years, and your essay really hit home. He does not have ED or any similar issue, wont see a therapist or talk about this, and he becomes angry and defensive if I bring up sex or hug him or show any affection. Research shows that sexual communication was. She is against the idea of therapy. If so, it could be that the side effects of her depression, or even the medication she is on to treat it, are lowering her libido. She had a hysterectomy years ago do to cancer concerns, about 5 years ago she had a stroke like episode but there where no signs of actual stroke damage and she had started botox/steroid therapy in her spinal column for pain issues so there is suspicion that caused it, but because of a possible stroke they wont give estrogen. He tries to manipulate me about everything and after 30 years of marriage I am over it. A womans lack of interest in physical intimacy can be quite an intriguing puzzle to solve. We are just roommates. only will your wife not want to touch you, but you probably wont want her to anymore. bcb We feel just as frustrated that our actions are not recognized by our women. I wish you well and hope you find some consolation So, Im on my own unless I decide to cheat. Ive been in one for about 47 years and Im the cause of it. Dont you love anything? I will probably need to work into my 70s or as long as I am able. I try to get used to it. But, here we are with 13 grandchildren from the strong marriages of our 9 surviving children. Just give him some and hopefully he will stop keeping you awake. If that's true for your marriage, your wife may be holding onto some resentment over the imbalance. 8 reasons why your wife never initiates intimacy, 5 things to do if your wife never initiates intimacy, My wife never wants to have sex 8 ways to initiate intimacy, 15 Things A Woman Can Do to Spice Up the Bedroom, How to Have Better Sex in a Marriage: 20 Helpful Tips, 30+ Best Sex Tips for Women That Drive Men Crazy, 30 Hot Sex Games for Couples to Play Tonight, 10 Helpful Tips if Youre Tired of Initiating Intimacy, 5 Benefits of Maintenance Sex for Relationships and Marriage, How Physical Relationship Before Marriage Affects Your Relationship, How Relationship Coaching for Men Can Transform Your Love, 30 Traditional and Modern Anniversary Gifts Year by Year, Relationship Bullying: Meaning, Signs and What to Do, 100 Romantic and Funny Questions to Ask Your Husband, Top 100 Wedding Registry Ideas That Can Make You Happy, 100+ Inspirational Womens Day Messages for Your Wife, 50 Fun Things For Couples To Do At Home When Bored, 100 Best International Womens Day Quotes for Your Lady, The Importance Of Maintaining Healthy Family Relationships, Sexless Marriage: Reasons, Effects & Tips To Deal With It, What To Do When You Feel No Emotional Connection With Your Husband, 25 Common Marriage Problems Faced by Couples & Their Solutions, 50+ Best Funny Marriage Advice: Finding Humor in Commitment, 35 Relationship Goals for Couples & Tips to Achieve Them, Feeling No Emotional Connection With Your Husband, How to Get Back Together After Separation, 6 Ways to Tell if Someone is Lying About Cheating, 5 Signs That You Are Living in a Toxic Marriage, 7 Important Tips to Build Trust in a Relationship, 10 Effective Communication Skills for Healthy Marriages, 20 Signs of a Married Man in Love With Another Woman. Lifes too damn short for no pleasure. She asked me to get castrated because Sex is hurting her. She looks at it like I was cheating on her. She even said to me that I should leave if I am not happy, she prefers that I do not, but basically what she is saying is that if I want to stay, this is the way its going to be. The phone started beeping and making its different sounds at 630am. My wife determined several years ago that she no longer has that connection to me, and will eventually leave. A person wants to, and intends to, stay faithful to their spouse in a sexless marriage and be a good Catholic at the same time is faced with, what seems to me, a no win situation. If you put her down and belittle her confidence, you cant hide behind something like, My wife rejects me all the time, she adds. Not only are you missing out on some fun in the bedroom, but most importantly, youre missing that intimate connection it creates with your wife. I am 62 years old and a healthy man with sexual needs. I love him and want to please him even if I feel nothing or just help him reach release. . I would be willing to bet the majority of men in our position have gone above and beyond to save our marriages, only to get a SELFISH wife to deny us to the point that we lose all our self esteem. Men provide protection, stability, and resources. Obviously, if a person is feeling low and theyre feeling depressed, theyre not going to want to interact with others, theyre going to want to isolate themselves. No amount of therapy, joint or individual, will fix this issue. Senior Planets comments are open for all readers/subscribers; we love hearing from you! We lose ourselves. I think it was a relief for him because he was not much into sex. When hes not writing or advising people on how to thrive in their relationships, he loves exploring new places with his partner, working out, and pretending that hes good at cooking exotic stuff. Ive lived through a sexless marriage myself. Sorry long diatribe. Either something happened that made her feel that way or shes lying. My husband and I both have gained weight. But certainly different than when we were younger. However, if the unfortunate situation arises where your wife never initiates physical contact because shes having an affair, you need to deal with it gently. Well, our partners dont seem to care they are hurting us. Id been wearing blinders believing shed never cheat. But did you notice that men have to make the first move? In other cases, it can also be if youve betrayed her trust in the past. I figured this was my life, deal with it and shut up. Thanks for your candid note. Thats not going to make you happy in the long run!!! Im over 60 and Im learning to accept this is the way life is going to be for the rest of my life. she says when she and I are close she gets panic attacks and anxiety attacks. Is it so horrible for me to want to passionately kiss her if it doesnt even lead to sex? I was being shipped out to Vietnam and we both were afraid of losing eachother. I am sorry but I think thats just nuts. I have the same problem I love my wife but I need sex. Youre doing them harm when refusing. When is the last time you did something romantic for her without expecting sex in return? Our sexual problems are much more complex because I have accepted the fact that she really wants to be intimate but the cost is too high. Except that one little thing. Behind heart broken!!! After 35 years, I want to be with my wife more than ever, not less. You need to talk to her and get to the root of whats causing her panic and anxiety whenever she gets close to you; when she feels comfortable and that whatever major issue there is, gets resolved, maybe your sex life will return. My point is, most of the sexless marriage problems are from the man not ruling. I think I was just the sperm donor and now I am the sugar daddy that provides her a comfortable life. This could be a reason why your wife avoids sex. There is one category which never seems to be covered in these kind of forums, that is where one partner is both medically unadvisable to have sex. I look good for my age and am so tempted to look for another relationship. I havent had a BJ for about 20years, my wife wont even touch my penis so a HJ is out of the question too. Married 30 years now. My wife and I now both sleep with settled stomachs (and I dont wake hungry in the night). Arguments and maltreatment are nothing to put up with. Your wife may simply just not want sex as regularly as you do, and she may not even know how important sex is to you. Now, for the past several months, we go to bed together and after I have fallen asleep, he starts masterbating and the shaking of the bed awakens me. Weve been married for 27 years and have 3 adult children. Hi We have had little to no connection with them since. Hello fingers!! To answer your question from my 69-year old, male POV: both my parents are senior. If his wife doesn't want to meet those needs, she should support him getting them met elsewhere or just set him free . The two C words! 16 years being married. There are ways to maintain physical intimacy while someone undergoes treatment for ED. Im really suffering. I think because I really enjoyed masturbating from my semenarche to marriage, I brought in a healthy way of looking at sex. We see each other on a daily basis staying busy to supplement our income and find time to make love once per week. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Join us online to gain access to exclusive benefits and opportunities only for Senior Planet Supporters! I sure want too. I would walk a mile in this mans shoes before I offer advice. Sex was great and plentiful in beginning (weve been together 32yrs), but he has lost all interest and I havent had sex in years. Same here except I m 75 he is 80. When I was single I would simply break off a relationship when the sexual problems would start. More than once, our perfunctory mutual masturbation sessions were unsuccessful for me because I couldnt get hard. Rob you are right on, God set this up with every male, as we get older the desire goes down but not away. We havent had sex in over a year and a half because of my wifes lack of interest. Rich B, I am 64 and my wife has withheld sex with me for the the last 5 years. I became completely numb to anything. A pill? She even stopped expressing affection such as hand holding, goodbye kisses, etc. I domt have to put up with that. And when that happens, what used to turn you on about your wife wont turn you on anymore. What to about it: Learn how to make a woman have an orgasm and how to make sex better for women. the women stop trying once you give them what they want. An undiagnosed, underlying medical condition can also be the reason for a decreased sex drive. Start your own discussion on this topic on Senior Planet Community. My 76 year old husband has not. accuse me of not loving her enough, if I had to cheat back. I was looking forward to my sexual freedom and massive quantities of sex and orgasms. This can be a disheartening situation to cope with. I made the decision that I would just say screw it and NOT think about sex at all. She has owned her own retail furniture store for 10 years and has expressed her desire to sell and get a job until retirement. When a woman notices that you have an affinity for what she loves, she gets curious, thereby increasing her desire for you. that found low levels of self-esteem harmed a womans sexual functions. Nobody tells you about this stuff in premarital counseling There were a lot of issues toward the end of our marriage, and we divorced. But very tired of masterbating. If your wife is going to have any appropriate romance in her life, its going to come from you. In the end, she doesnt want it and I have stopped caring. Discussing the problem is a problem in itself because she simply get very irritated and by it and thats the end of that! I lve my wife more now then when we got married. I agree, there is more going on than just someone spending all their time doing other things. Take care of your body and mind! At 20 years I did start having a partner on the side because I was very sexually frustrated and that partner within the same situation. Here is what the problem is when it comes to SEX. Because I have no suggestions as to how to change things. I love my wife even if we have not had sex for close to 6 years. I hear ya Jose! If you think Im going to live the rest of my life without sex your absolutely out of your mind. This really sucks. I love her. I am 79 and my wife is 75 and our sex life is as good as ever. Im mid 50s married man who has ED and low T. I have always had a lower desire. I have suffered from sexual dysfunction ever since I started having sex at 15 back in the mid 1970s. Of course mine wont go to a therapist no matter what so apparently the problem will persist. Sometimes when a woman becomes a mother, it can affect the way she sees herselfand the way her partner sees her. I need to feel cherished, looked at and touched in a non-sexual way THEN when I feel loved and safe, I want to please my man. Many health issues can affect a woman's sexual desire, from diabetes to chronic pain conditions to cancer. Because we always hear guys complaining! . I bet if a man did ever6a woman does in one day he would not bitch about sex he would pass out. I have to listen to her telling me I am fat etc. (You might want to share with her an excellent resource about responsive desire, Emily Nagoskis book Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life.). Were a distinctive, diverse collection of people aged 60 and older who are busy changing the way we age by embracing opportunities to reshape our lives, connect with and help one another, and change the world for the better all while learning, growing, and having fun! So selfish and controlling . The night my son died was when my loss of interest began, in fact it vanished, period. Im just not happy & want much more for in life. She knows this is a psychological problem and doesnt reflect how I feel about her. How can a person be so shallow that they base their lifelong relationship on whether or not their wife can help them empty their balls? What to do about it: Address the ongoing conflicts in your relationship. My wife of 43 years has no need for sex except very infrequently and then only quick missionary. I work part time at a day care and I find that when I havent gotten sleep the night before, my patience with the kids is really tested. Let them know how their refusal to engage with you sexually has affected you emotionally, physically, mentally and pyschologically. I need to be held by a mature woman and caressed and brought to orgasm. But keeping an open dialogue about your mutual wants and desires can, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4199300/, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4555290/, https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jmft.12282, http://nationalmarriageproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/NMP-DateNight.pdf, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2707786/, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3807599/. But, and hopefully it is, if you still connect at that level in any way, please do so. He expects lunch and dinner to be made for him every day, He drinks beer by the gallon and he gives nothing to this marriage. Be explicit about your needs and expectations. As well as almost no feeling there as well. Instead of asking yourself something along the lines of, What to do when wife wont put out? ask your partner if theyd like to experience something different in bed. It literally changed our lives. She consulted with her doctor who recommended hormone treatment and her research on cancer had her rejecting that avenue. High blood pressure Make your own porn and watch that. We must have sex or blow up, not a choice. Here are the 15 most probable reasons behind your wifes lack of interest in intimacy. Sexuality is just part of the human condition but a life partner who is no longer interested or capable of providing that experience must be respected and understood. He already said she feels bad for him so she is aware of the problem. Why would he ever have too? But no sex. * You need to leave her. This can lead to her becoming physically and emotionally distant in the marriage. Then,move on. A very wise woman my grandma. If there is resentments in the home then it will not happen. If theyve been fighting the whole day, physical intimacy is the last thing on their mind. (d.head || d.body).appendChild(s); I take it religiously, because it helps me in the gym and with mental clarity. There is nothing sexier than seeing your man crazy! I caught my husband with his ex girlfriend. I am 64 now and have had some vaginal atrophy, which made penetration hurt, but I take a vaginal pill twice a week. Step out of your own hurt feelings and into her world. a great career in media..She seems to have lost interest in ME. I am fine with him pleasuring himself and even using porn is fine. Prostitutes are not a good option since all the bad stuff in the sex industry world and I feel that I am too old to move on and I am not a chick magnet. The guy is obviously attracted to you and enjoys your company or why the 30 year dating? She always had 2 orgasms before me. In addition, he doesnt suffer from ED or any other similar issue, but he seems to feel that sex is for procreation and once that part of life is over (as it surely now is), so is sex! Yeah, maybe not, eh . In such a case, it could be the reason why your wife avoids intimacy. I agree with Trish, Frustrated Daughter. Having said that, I understand your frustration too. I in the same boat as your husband. Our finances have never been merged and the only money between us has been my initial investment in her business. The therapist totally forgot about me as my wife did. This is hard, because of my upbringing and the fact she is a wonderful person in every other way. var disqus_config = function () { She like others doesnt want intimacy or sex, which I could deal with for the most part but then she makes remarks about me masturbating or watching porn. Who cares whos got the problem enjoy not having sex! They complain that the wife was open to sex anytime anywhere when they were dating but it all changed after kids were born. You can bring up your feelings about the importance of sex in your relationship so that she knows and can let you know what she has the capacity for. . Fun-loving, Honest and Straightforward. I always aimEd to please her with oral sex preceded by lots of massaging, rubbing, kissing etc. He seems to think (as far as I can surmise) that sex is just a little bit dirty or should only be used for procreation purposes. They seem just as happy as any other married couple. Peace. She has absolutely no interest in it. He snores so he sleeps in his own bedroom. . And I am one of those. Couples counseling can help the two of you get back on track in your marriage and the bedroom. Anyway, I simply want you to know that as many women as men are trapped in this sadness. After chemo and radiation, they put her on hormone suppression drugs, which reduced her libido a lot. In my experience as a marriage counselor, Ive seen that men can have an argument with their wives the whole day and romance their partner in the end. I just dont understand. Most dont ever have this figured out. oh when either of leave the house or return there is a generic kiss. Someone on the side. Sharing your desires is essential, as is listening to her needs. And yeah I can pleasure myself, but that will never be like the real thing. I think it is up to me to possibly leave my marriage because my husband is not about to change, discuss any issues, or ultimately have sex. Life is way too short! It takes two. Foreplay isnt just in the bedroom before sex. Or simplify it by bringing home her favorite wine and dining on your patio after the kids are in bed. I understand that kids, work, and home projects can weaken your, As your wife pushes you away, you might feel tempted to use porn, but porn robs you of genuine desire for your wife. He is a selfish person he is only thinking of himself. Im 65 and just want a happy, peaceful existence and I cope with EVERYTHING 100% , except sex. Isnt it such a shame that Bob here, says he masturbates 3x a week and Im sitting here daydreaming what it would feel like to have it again after years that my husband just cant. I see a divorce in the near future. i rejected it, because I have become detached, unhappy and frustrated. The nipple is not an on and off switch. I also went down on her regularly, and now she doesnt even want me to try. There is some offensiveness directed towards men but I can benefit from your observations. Who gets up and takes card of them? Married 36 years, neither of us had sex with anyone including each other until our wedding night: It was tough, but my choice. We have not slept in the same room for years because of his snoring. Ever again. Thank you for sharing! You're focusing too much on just the sexual aspect of . What about the years of devotion? 330 Comments I mistakenly intercepted several text Post-menopausal sex, for many women, is a meal offering little flavour or nutrition. Is there any way I can help alleviate some of the stress she is feeling? Im not convinced of this because he does not even initiate a kiss. If you build sex up to be a giant deal, youre putting pressure on both you and your wife. Why do women marry a good provider and run around with the empty pocket young studs? Most women who go through postpartum depression also find it increasingly difficult to get physically involved. I appreciate there are many reasons MANY reason wives dont want sex and No one can or should force them to have to sex. I do most of the household chores, she doesnt work outside the home, and hasnt since weve been married i constantly compliment her looks,I have been striving for decades to woo her, and sex is now completely off the table, and she wont even cuddle or kiss. We celebrate the happy, imperfect love without judgment or bias, and strive to help people love more mindfully by viewing their relationship patterns from the lens of mental health and psychology. She actually told me that my friend who went through a similar situation was in need of therapy because his wife caught him watching porn. 90% of the letters I read, could have been mine. I get it and don't want to add to her stress. No doubt youre frustrated. Thats something that you honestly need to ask yourself. Divorce is not an option, But when the second son moves out to college there is an option I take his bedroom AND there is an option I go on an extended car road trip for a few months. I dont thinks this was the place to sound your horn (pun). I am a 58 year old woman. Could I just ask the question? To some it may even taste nasty. Ask if there is something you can do to make sex more enjoyable for her. I only wrote this, to just say it. It got to the point that he wanted sex badly and was about to lose his mind. We stopped having sex ten years ago, she wont talk about it. It took many years and visits to a lot of therapists to find out why I couldnt perform sexually with my wife during our 30 year marriage. Is it honestly your right to be given sex however your wife can give it? Only once really in love. This can be emotionally wounding for her, and the man too if he has empathy. She had here ovaries removed due to cancer risk, after sex was painful and pussy all dried up, tried lubes and no luck and still painful when my rock hard penis went in her sweet pussy. Being a mom is a 24-7 job with a constant cycle of happiness, stress, and worry. You can set things right on this front by planning special dates and mini-vacations so that you can both focus on each other and your relationship without worrying about work, finances, kids and other things. I told her that I did not want that, That I only wanted her but she said she loves me but has no sexual feelings, it is slowly destroying me and I do not know what to do, she refuses to talk about it, will not spoon in bed and pulls away from any hug. We could be spontaneous. "The identity of a young parent can become entirely entwined with that of the children. He wears it and with a little imagination it can work just like the real thing. I thought during the first couple of years of our marriage that I was imagining this but I now realize I wasnt (since he recently stated how we werent trying to procreate any longer, so why bother with sex.). I asked her how long will this take for you to get over this panic stuff. Get your answer. Are you crazy? Does Thunderbird mean anything to you? Yes, life is complicated indeed, but I dont believe there is a season for sex and then not a season for it. Should I let him go elsewhere? Well said my friend. Its one thing to have trouble with arousal, or other sexual difficulties. A woman needs to hear that over and over again, or else she will think that you don't love her anymore (it's contrary to most men, who can be told a thing once and. You cannot force desire no matter what you do or if it is the other partner, same thing. Over 12 years no sexual contact. We have no children. he will not give me a divorce so yes take a lover if you need too cause feeling wanted, desired, and loved, is like food we all need it and deserve it! My wife and I have been married 20 years. Plus, a lack of communication might have created this distance. For example, depression, as well as the medication used to manage it, can take a toll on ones libido. Hopefully I will die and be out of this misery. I feel your frustration. We have had a fall out now and it is the elephant She started the menopause change about 3 years ago, however sex prior to that was maybe every few months for probably 7 years. Now when it comes to my receiving oral sex to orgasm? Too bad; I truly live him but I dont need the stress. If these thoughts are not at the forefront of your relational mind, well, your (our) love(s) and relationships may in fact die. She continued to have sex for a while but that eventually ended and we havent had sex now in over 5 years. Loved sexI mean with exuberance and joy. Took my wife to Paris, on our 25th wedding anniversary and rented the most romantic flat next to the Eiffel Tower. Im considering leaving altogether and realize it will put a financial strain on both of us although we have significant cash equity in our home which can make it much easier in retirement. Ohio M in same situation and when I bring it up she always says well why dont you just get a divorce. Sex is over. I cant do that, divorce right away. A lack of emotional connection can make it hard for women to establish physical intimacy, even with their own life partner. I really just want to be wanted the way I want her, sexually or not, to just be valued as a committed, loving husband. Fundamentally, it comes down to 3 choices: leave, cheat, or suffer. I dont think I would like my son or daughter tell me what to do in the bedroom. I know couples who watch it together and I believe my wife and her friend are closed minded and in denial of their contribution, or lack thereof in being that person who can meet the wants and needs of their husbands. My wife will listen to my concerns about sex, but will not take hormone supplementation because of the science which indicates it can cause cancer in rare cases. There is only one person I love adore and desire. By Joan Price Empathy is about feeling her burdens and sitting with them instead of trying to solve them. We went to separate colleges and this was before cell phones and computers. It hard to bud out. As I explained before on seniorplanet.org, spontaneous desire just happens, while responsive desire only happens after a womans body starts getting aroused. But we are kidding ourselves if we somehow justify a womans position requiring fidelity in a sexless marriage. He has no interest. may have led to years of unsatisfying sex, and the longer youre together, the more nervous she may be to bring it up. Learn how your comment data is processed. 5 minutes of his time now and again isnt much to ask!